"LaVern Meyer has an October birthday,"
Ivan wrote. "The Barnes Aerobics Class always looks forward to LaVern's birthday. She always makes maple sticks from scratch with plenty of frosting. When asked if she was going to do that again this year, she said 'oh, if I get time.' So - don't be botherin' LaVern. She's got work to do."
"Arlene Been celebrated her birthday last Monday by serving rolls and coffee at Aerobics," Ivan said. "When the group sang Happy Birthday to Arlene, one end of the table started a little late. It was the first time I had ever heard Happy Birthday sung as a round."
When Jack Been has to do things like replace his bathroom sink, Ivan said, "he is just not good company. He gets as owley as a frog with a sore butt on a blacktop highway."
"As you get older," Ivan said, "your priorities change. There were these two guys who met on a street corner on the occasion of their fifth high school class reunion. One guy said to the other guy, 'Man, did I score last night. Good lookin' gal....' Twenty years later at the class reunion, same two guys met on the same corner. Guy says, 'Man, did I make a good investment. My stock shot through the ceiling.' Twenty years later the same two guys met on the same street corner. The guy says, 'Man, did I have a good bowel movement this morning.' It'll happen to you if you live long enough."
"Daylight Savings Time ends on October 31," Ivan reminded us. "It looks to me like Daylight Savings Time would be better in the winter than in the summer. Gives an extra hour of daylight to melt the snow."
"Gene Arment should be about ready for winter in his home up there on East Court," Ivan said. "Since he moved to town he has run a new driveway, had his fence blow down, had his sewer back up, and is putting on new shingles. It used to be that to get ready for winter all you had to do was bank up around the outhouse."