The Middlewesterner

HOW BAD

has it gotten

at the White House?

This bad.

I'M SORRY - I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!

One of you out there

must be a professor of logic in a philosophy department somewhere. Help me out, would you? Why the hell kind of logic is this:

"To suggest that Republican support is weakening means that we're not going to do well at the ballot box. And I believe we are going to do well at the ballot box because I think Republican support is strong," he says.

That would be the President speaking. No wonder we're in trouble....

LINES FOR NOVEMBER 3

Blackbird on the wire,
wired for what you do.

Like me, walking.

BUSH ACCUSES DEMOCRATS OF LACKING A PLAN FOR IRAQ

Wouldn't that be like

the pot calling the kettle black?

THE VICE PRESIDENT OF TORTURE

So, tell me, if he wasn't

talking about waterboarding, what was the Vice President of Torture talking about??

Inquiring minds want to know....

LINES FOR OCTOBER 20

Poet's lament -
The words

burst forth.
I cannot

breathe.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN

It's an old magician's

trick to distract you with misdirection. The president is calling for a summit on school violence when he should be calling for a summit on sectarian violence in Iraq, don't you think?

He sounds more irrelevant every time he opens his mouth.

How can 39% of the people still think he's doing a good job?

AND ALSO

We'll torture them,

but we won't read their mail?

Who's driving this bus?

AND

And

President Bush says the Democrats can't be trusted? Isn't he a little behind the curve?

Isn't it already obvious that you don't want to stand in a crowded elevator with the Republicans?

HOW COME?

How come

the president can talk about "cut and run" Democrats, but no one speaks out against the deer-in-the-headlight stand-and-die Republicans?

I don't think immobility is a suitable war policy. Do you?

THE DIDN'T SEE DON'T REMEMBER REPUBLICANS

Do you suppose

the didn't-see don't-remember Republicans can not-see and not-remember all the way up til election day? Can they pull the wool over people's eyes yet again? God, I hope not. I really really hope not.

I WISH I HAD SAID THAT

I wish I had said that,

but it was the President himself: ". . . you need to have a President who sees the world the way it is, not the way somebody would hope it would be."

Can you say "irony?"

YEAH, AND THE REPUBLICANS ARE A LITTLE SOFT ON THE CONSTITUTION

Cheney says (gasp, surprise surprise)

that Democracts are soft on national security.

Well, I think the Republicans are soft on the Constitution. And, given their penchant for taking the law farther than it ought to go, we could say they are soft on law and order.

And given their other policies, we might also accuse them of being soft on the well-being of Americans generally.

Folks, the chickens are gonna come home to roost, finally. On Cheney's head. Count on it.

JUST ABOUT AS THIN AS YOU CAN SLICE IT

Iraq has not fallen into civil war,

Bush said today.

Yet just yesterday a Pentagon report said that Iraq is on brink of civil war.

How thin are they gonna slice it?

At some point, Mr. President, if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, and has feathers and webbed feet, you gotta start thinking maybe the sonofabitch is a duck.

HEH....

I mean, what else

can you say? Candidates Duplicate in AARP Survey. That would be Republican candidates, marching in lockstep, as is their wont. And they are trying to turn their lemon into lemonade!

Heh.

HELP ME NOW - I DON'T GET IT.

How is the civil war in Iraq,

that is, Sunnis killing Shiites and Shiites killing Sunnis, how is that, as Bush would have it, anything "like last century's fight against Nazis and communists?"

If you are going to start drawing historical analogies, consider our own Civil War, which is more like what is going on in Iraq, I think. Blue vs. Grey. Shiites vs. Sunnis. Irreconcilable differences. Untold horror.

Oh, except during our Civil War we didn't have the world's superpower involved, did we? And I don't think we would have wanted that, would we?

As soon as Rumsfield or Cheney or Bush start talking, I always ask myself: where did these guys go to school? Oh, they went to good schools? Did they sleep through history class, or what?

Sheeh!

BUSH SENSES RENEWAL - YEAH, RIGHT

President Bush "senses renewal"

during his tour of the Gulf coast region damaged by Hurricane Katrina, CCN has reported.

Yeah, right. He has been "sensing progress" in Iraq for quite some time as well.

Saying it's so doesn't make it so.

BATTING LEAD OFF, AND SHE HITS IT OUT OF THE PARK!

How is it

that the only one with balls enough to rein in the bastards is FEMALE?

US District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor has just ruled that Bush's NSA wiretap program is unconstitutional. She said the program "violates the separation of powers doctrine, the Administrative Procedures Act, the First and Fourth amendments to the United States Constitution, the FISA and Title III.... The president of the United States... has undisputedly violated the Fourth in failing to procure judicial orders."

Thank you, your honor.

NOW IT'S THE US DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

The other day it was Halliburton

that came here, looking for South Dakota Hutterite wines. Today it is the US Department of Justice seeking an answer to the question: "What is text in a sermon?"

I'm not a church-goer, and even I know. Come on, guys! There must be something sorely lacking in your education. You are among those who got left behind, aren't you? 'Fess up....

YES, THAT HALLIBURTON

Halliburton got here Googling

for "South Dakota Hutterite wines." One cannot even begin to wonder what that's about. I shudder to think.

THE TONY SNOW APPOINTMENT I THINK IT'S A MISTAKE

Oh, yeah, he comes with all

the conservative credentials and the media experience, but I think his appointment as White House press secretary is a mistake.

Why do I say that? Well, you never want a spokesman who is half a head taller than you, and who doesn't look like he just got roughed up on the playground. His mere physical presence in the White House is gonna make Bush look bad.

You can quote me on that. Find a picture of the two of them standing side by side and you'll see what I mean.

THE ANSWER IS

The answer is

"He looks more and more like he's facing the headlamp of an oncoming train and has no time to get out of the way, and nowhere to go if he did."

And the question is?

THE PROBLEM, MR. PRESIDENT

The problem, Mr. President,

is not communication. Throwing McClellan overboard is not going to fix the mess you've made in Iraq.

Given that all you seem to be doing these days is shuffling deck chairs, I think it would be highly poetic for you to bring back Andrew Card as Treasury Secretary, once you throw your current Treasury Secretary overboard. Something fitting and whole about sticking the first guy out into the hole you're left with at the end.

By the way, Mr. President, the FOX/Opinion Dynamics survey for April 18-19 shows you at a THIRTY-THREE PER CENT (33%) approval rating. This survey is typically two-four points higher than most of the others, so when other surveys start coming in I'm expecting we'll see something in the 29%-31% approval range. Just in case your interested.

But I forget - you don't look at the polls. You talk to God.

Maybe you should wash your ears, Mr. President, for I think what God has been saying is: "W., yuh done fucked up."

Won't you please resign now, so we can start digging our way out now, instead of two and a half years from now. Puh-lease, Mr. President....

YEAH, AND SO DID ALL THE OTHER LEAKERS

"I wanted people to see the truth,"

Mr. Bush said, explaining why he "declassified" an October 2002 National Intelligence Estimate in July 2003. "I thought it made sense for people to see the truth."

Isn't that exactly the reasoning used by those who leaked information about CIA prisons in Europe and NSA's wiretapping Americans without a court order? I would sure think so. That it made sense for people to see the truth....

A CAMPAIGN THEME FOR THE DEMOCRATS?

Perhaps all the Democrats

have to do is campaign under this banner:

HEY, FOLKS,
WE COULDN'T
DO ANY WORSE!

Repeated a thousand times up and down and all the way across, it would make a great backdrop for any speech or press conference, don't you think? Like what the White House puts behind Bush when he's talking about The Plan For Iraq or The Plan for Health Care or The Plan for Hoping to Appear Competent. A navy-blue background with gold type, I think, yes....

PERHAPS NOT?

You might think that President Bush

will have to call out the National Guard to maintain his hold on power. But fear not: he can't. He has already sent the National Guard to Iraq, so they are otherwise occupied.

CAN YOU TELL?

You can tell,

can't you, that I have just about had it?

Cripes sakes alive....

WE NEED A NEW PROGRAM

We need a new program

and we'll call it "No Neo-Con Left Behind." Let's get 'em out of there!

It just keeps getting worse....

NO EXIT

Can you say

"total collapse?" Can you see any possibility that this administration might find its way before it is scoured out of office? Don't you think the president has been looking as if he's just about ready to curl up with his blankey and suck his thumb? God, what a mess we've let them make!

CAN YOU TELL I'M NOT SURPRISED?

This only confirms

what we've suspected all along: Bush and Cheney directed a leak campaign against critics of the war in Iraq.

Wouldn't you like to serve on the grand jury to investigate that? Or even be a fly on the wall?

THE WISDOM OF STUPID FINGERS

Just this morning, I mis-typed

the Vice-President's name as "Duck Cheney." Hmm. Maybe that's what his hunting buddies call him, too.

LIKE DUH??

Geez, why am I so far ahead of the curve

on this stuff? Money magazine is reporting that Bush's tax cuts make the rich richer, which I think we knew a long time ago:

Study: Bush tax cuts making rich richer

Report: The wealthiest Americans are reaping huge gains from reduced taxes on investment income.

THE PRESIDENT REPLACES HIS CHIEF OF STAFF

Shout,

all of you who think that the chief of staff is Bush's biggest problem and that replacing him is going to fix anything....

I can't hear you....

CHENEY URGES AMERICANS TO SAVE MORE???

Cheney urges Americans

to save more. I suppose that means he'd also have to support raising the minimum wage, ya think?

I mean, the nerve of a guy who owns a $3000 .28 gauge shotgun....

OH, SORRY

Oh, sorry....

I don't know what makes me go off like that.

We now return to the regularly-scheduled blogging.

LET ME SEE IF I GET IT?

It's about security

unless it's about making money, is that it, Mr. Bush?

Ye cannot preach The Book of Terrors
for five years, Mr. President,
then sing the hymn of peace and light.

Cuz there's a disconnect there somewhere
and apparently the American people
are calling you on it.

Give me an I...
Give me an M...
Give me a P...

What's that spell?
I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T.
What's that spell?
I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T.
What's that spell?
I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T.

IT GETS MORE AND MORE LIKE A SOAP OPERA HELP ME, HELP ME I CAN'T TURN IT OFF

First he wants to blame the guy he shot

for "not announcing himself," and now someone on the Vice President's staff will no doubt have to be fired. Well, actually, this is how the Office of the Vice President puts it at the White House web site: "A member of the Vice President's staff wrote a check for 140 dollars understanding that this would purchase a Texas non-resident season hunting license that would permit the Vice President to hunt quail in Texas. It appears now that the license itself cost 125 dollars, and an extra 15 dollars covered the cost of a Federal migratory bird stamp. The Vice President did not need the Federal stamp, as he already possessed one. The staff asked for all permits needed, but was not informed of the 7 dollar upland game bird stamp requirement."

Oh, pardon me, it appears that the staff member won't be fired after all. He "was not informed" about the need for the upland game bird stamp.

That Republican lawyer did not announce himself and that's why he got shot; it wasn't Cheney's fault. The Vice President's staff member was not informed about the upland game bird requirement, so not having the proper stamp wasn't Cheney's fault either.

I quit hunting when I was fourteen years old and I already knew that when all is said and done, the guy who pulls the trigger is responsible for what gets shot. And just how far do you suppose a fellow like me would get, trying to explain to the DNR that "I wasn't told" I needed an upland game bird stamp?

Unfortunately we've got Mr. Teflon Man himself for a Vice President. Nothing sticks.

-----------------------

New Bumpersticker: "Guns don't shoot people. Vice Presidents do."

SWEEPING FEMA REFORMS? SWEEPING?

The CNN headline says:

"Chertoff to Unveil Sweeping FEMA Reforms." All I could find for "sweeping" reforms were:

• Tracking trucks with emergency supplies by satellite.
• Sending FEMA employees to shelters to register victims.
• Creating a data-base of pre-approved contractors for clean-up.
• Creating "reconnaissance teams" to report disaster conditions.
• Hiring 1500 year-round coordinators.

You're still looking for "sweeping reforms," aren't you? And this guy is in charge of homeland security? Oh, Mother of God, pray for us.

WHAT IS THAT GUY ON?

I mean it:

what planet is he from?

UNFORTUNATELY, THE PRESIDENT

Unfortunately, the President

was talking about Iraq, not about governing in the United States, when he told a gathering of the Veterans of Foreign Wars that: "Compromise and consensus and power-sharing are the only path to national unity and lasting democracy." We could use a little compromise and consensus and power-sharing on the path to national unity and lasting democracy here, but we haven't seen much of it from Mr. Bush and his cronies. In fact, if I remember correctly, he interpreted a half percentage point margin of victory as "a mandate." I think maybe I know how the Sunnis feel.

BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY! THERE ARE TOO MANY CRAZIES DOWN HERE

CNN did a flash poll today,

what they call the Quick Vote, asking "Do you believe that people have been abducted by space aliens?" Twenty-six percent of those who responded said "Yes." This would be Bush's base,* wouldn't it? *Those who don't know any better, those who believe that Intelligent Design is science, that the war in Iraq was justified, and that any education beyond the eighth grade is a waste of time; and they're probably the same 26% (according to another CNN Quick Vote conducted today) who think NSA spying on Americans is a good idea.

CAN WE IMPEACH HIM NOW?

Didn't we write a Declaration of Independence

and fight the American Revolution to free ourselves from the kingly arrogance of one George? Do we need to step forward again and free ourselves from the arrogance of this George? Isn't it time for impeachment NOW? Trampling civil liberties in order to preserve them is the same kind of thinking that gets us to "You have to destroy the village in order to save it." Doesn't the Bill of Rights mean anything? Enough of this Imperial Presidency!

IT MEANS WHAT I SAY IT MEANS

I guess in faith-based reality,

it means what the White House says it means, the word conservative I'm talking about.

Where I grew up, if it looked like bullshit and smelled like bullshit and tasted like bullshit, you could be fairly certain that's what it was, and you didn't call it something else.

Even a conservative legal scholar called the White House statement "fatuous."

IT'S A JOKE, RIGHT?

Ex-FEMA Director Michael Brown

"is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm to help clients avoid the sort of errors that cost him his job," according to an Associated Press newstory.

Wouldn't we be better off if he opened a go-cart track on a small piece of land outside Denver, where nobody would get hurt, at least not very badly?

You'd think he'll end up like the Maytag repairman, bored to death waiting for the phone to ring. I know I wouldn't call him to help me plan my disaster. Are you gonna call him to help you with yours?

OKAY, I GOTTA ASK I JUST GOT TO

If they're arresting protestors

for nothing more than camping by the side of the road near the Bush "ranch," why the hell doesn't somebody arrest Cheney and Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz for their far more serious infractions?

MOST AMERICANS NOW BELIEVE BUSH IS NOT HONEST

Finally!

MORE FAITH-BASED REALITY

A coincidence? I don't think so:

The first CNN headline this afternoon in their top news stories was: "Five U.S. soldiers charged with detainee abuse." The headline immediately beneath it was: "Bush: We do not torture."

Faith-based reality takes a serious hit with that juxtaposition, doesn't it?

Is it too early to suggest impeaching him? Cuz I've had about all I can stand....

NOW IS THE TIME

Mr. Bush, now is the time,

if ever there is a time, for you to announce the capture of your biggest embarrassment, Mr. bin Laden. I have all along suspected that you had him squirrelled away in some all-along-suspected CIA black site.

Your administration appears to be in quite the mess at the moment, with even your Republican cronies abandoning you. So the time is ripe, Mr. President, for you to pull the rabbit out of your ass-hole and announce the capture of bin Laden.

I don't know what else will right your listing ship.

FIRST CAST OUT THE SPECK IN YOUR OWN EYE!

I see in the headlines

that President Bush said that Islamic radicals are trying to intimidate the world. Isn't that a little bit like the pot calling the kettle black? What have his neo-con radicals been doing? Trying to intimidate the world, I believe....

Does he think we don't recognize his wing-nut fundamentalist approach is an American version of the Taliban theocracy?

GRRR!

WELCOME TO THE US DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

Welcome to the US Department of Justice,

which visited The Middlewesterner at 12:51 p.m. today.

I hope this means that I've got your attention and that you're listening.

Then you know that I'm not very happy with the leadership of this country, neither the Republicans nor the Democrats.

I am home most days if you want to talk further.