IVAN BURGESS'S ECHO ECHO

"The mileormor birds are really in the soy beans,"

Ivan wrote. "Those are the birds that stuff themselves on soy beans and then sit on a fence and when they break wind you can hear them for a mileormor."

"When John Patzel was mayor of Smith Center," Ivan said, "it became imperative that Smith Center upgrade its sewer system. After listening to all the pro's and con's, Mayor Patzel concluded it would be cheaper to charter buses and haul Smith Center people to Phillipsburg every morning and let them use the bathrooms in Phillipsburg. I think that proposal died in committee."

"Always tell an old man when his pants are unzipped," Ivan said. "It is better for him to be embarrassed momentarily than spend the rest of the day with people snickering behind his back."

"Stan Hooper had a health problem," Ivan reported. "The doctor told him it was caused by heavy lifting. I don't know where a doctor could come up with that diagnosis. The last thing big and heavy that Stan picked up was his pay check from the Rock Island Railroad."

"The waitresses at the Second Cup Cafe are fluent in the Arizonian language. Every morning Linton Lull, an Arizona snowbird, comes to the Second Cup and orders 'dry toast.' Every morning the waitress sets a large roll with lots of frosting in front of Linton. It's his Arizona 'dry toast.' But the day before Linton has a doctor's appointment he really does eat dry toast. So the next day when he goes to the doctor and the doctor wants to know what he is eating Linton can say 'I had dry toast for breakfast yesterday.'"

"Last Friday," Ivan said, "when Ludene the dancing machine had to take off early to go to Glen Elder and baby-sit, owner Marian Lemon didn't panic and rush around looking for someone to fill in - she just calmly called Marge Terrell, the Thornburg Flash, to come in a little early. Marge is easy goin' - most of the time. But if you want to see her stand with her hand on her hip and her eyes flashing, just mention the Thornburg Road."

"The night of the Harvest Moon is a perfect night for squeezin', teasin', and ear nibblin'," Ivan said. "Old men can squeeze and tease with the best of them, but when it comes to ear nibblin' they have to get out of bed and go to the bathroom and get their their teeth. And there is something about having to get up and go to the bathroom to get your teeth that somehow kinda takes the lustre off the romantic interlude."

"Stay ahead of the posse," Ivan would have said, but he ran out of space, what with reporting a play-by-play description of the Smith Center football game with Norton. Final score: Smith Center 42, Norton 3.

Comments

[dave]

"And there is something about having to get up and go to the bathroom to get your teeth that somehow kinda takes the lustre off the romantic interlude."

Words for the ages.

[Tom Montag]

Smith Center has a gem in Ivan. You wonder if they know.

[sarah]

Random weirdness.

I was googling my Grandpa's name and found this article.

I am John Patzel's first grandaughter.

Spent summers of my childhood in Smith Center. . .is this written by a family friend?

[Tom Montag]

Hi, Sarah--Ivan Burgess writes a weekly newsletter of local goings-on called ECHO ECHO, and I publish excerpts from it every week on my blog because I like what he does and how he does it. He is now, I believe, 81 years old and has lived in Smith Center all of his life, so at the least he was acquainted with your grandfather, though I cannot say if he was a family friend or not. Isn't this a lovely serendipity that simply putting the information in print (in the newsletter) doesn't provide. At this point I have spent a couple of weeks in Smith Center, trying to get to know the community, and Ivan was a good one to introduce me to some of it.