According to the Los Angeles Times, on Friday President Bush "accused Kerry of undermining the morale of U.S. troops with his criticisms of the war in Iraq."
Let me suggest that the morale of U.S. troops is instead undermined when they are sent into a war that was started with a false premise, without planning to secure the peace, and with no hope in sight.
We're to believe there is nothing to do but "stay the course" and send more body bags, because anything else sends mixed metaphors.
Let me suggest that the mess in Iraq is the failure of Blind Lemon Bush. But he won't hear of it. He'll give us a sour look if we suggest it.
"We are making steady progress," he will say.
"We will stay the course," he will say.
"Our soldiers don't want a Commander-in-Chief who admits he made a mistake," he will say.
"War is hard work," he will say.
"Securing the peace is hard work," he will say.
"Being President is hard work," he will say. "It's really hard work."
"I know that," he will say. "Osama bin Laden attacked us on 9/11. You think I don't know that?"
"John Kerry and bin Laden are both tall men," he will say. "You notice things like that. Things like that are what make my opponent unfit to be Commander-in-Chief."
"In fact," he will say, "many Democrats are tall and give aid and comfort to the enemy. That's why, on my authority, I've issued a Presidential Order to have the Department of Homeland Security detain all tall Democrats. We're talking 5'10" and taller. And I've instructed the Secret Service to take Senator Kerry to a detention center in California and hold him there until further notice. We are charging him as an enemy combatant. We are going to lock up these Democrats. This is war. These blood-thirsty folks is our enemies. I will never yield the security of this nation to the Democrats. The security of the American people are my responsibility. I know that. It's my core belief. It's who I am. The American people know what kind of President I am. I'm steady. I stay the course. They don't have to wonder what I think."
Vice President Dick Cheney will announce that the November elections have been suspended. "Elections - that's just what bin Laden wants," Cheney will say. "He wants us to go ahead with free and open elections. But this is war. It would be unthinkable to change commanders now. In desperate times, you hold the line. We will not yield."
"Did we cancel the elections?" Bush will say when asked about the Vice President's statement.
"Oh, I know that," he will say, correcting himself. "I know we cancelled the elections. You think I don't know that?"
There is no word yet from either the President or the Vice President on whether CBS anchorman Dan Rather is among those to be detained.
Oh brilliant, brilliant.
The funniest and truest and scariest thing I've seen on the blogs in a while.
I'm so glad I'm short!
Posted by: elck | October 04, 2004 at 08:05 PM
Elck--thanks for the good word.
One note of warning, though: you may not be short enough. Those who support those who are taller than 5'10" are also the enemy. "You're either with us or against us. In the war on terror, there's no middle ground."
Fortunately there aren't enough people at the FBI to keep up with all the blog postings out here. I've heard that at least 175,000 liberal blogs are going unread due to lack of manpower in the intelligence community. ;)
Posted by: Tom Montag | October 04, 2004 at 09:13 PM