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  • Photo of The Middlewesterner by Dave Bonta

(c) 2004-2008
Tom Montag


June 2008

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  • The endowments and the foundations won't, but you can help support my long-term exploration of the middle west, Vagabond In the Middle. Any donation to help defray expenses will be appreciated. Send to Tom Montag at: PO Box 8, Fairwater, WI 53931.


    "shelf life of prune juice" - The Middlewesterner

  • "elko + bar + bathroom + girlfriend" - Creek Running North
  • "what does a mole on the palm of the hand mean?" - Mole
  • "biro, slowly watching memory" - frizzyLogic
  • "pictures of someone who looks forgotten" - Blaugustine
  • "emily dickinson's address" - alembic
  • "heterosexual woman becomes lesbian in midlife" - Velveteen Rabbi
  • "if lost return to" - Slow Reads
  • "village voice newspaper headline when andy warhol died in 1987 village voice headline is god dead is god dead" - Marja-Leena
  • "I have no head" - Under a bell
  • "what can we do about privilege?" - Feathers of Hope
  • "stigmata montreal women" - Cassandra Pages
  • "Aztec sacrificial victims" - 3rd House Party
  • "ugliest woman ever" – Fishbucket
  • "prime number farting" - The Middlewesterner
  • "sasquatch beauty barn" - Via Negativa
  • "I have what looks like small pieces of bird seed in human feces my feces." - Nuthatch
  • "signs your girlfriend is not happy" - The Middlewesterner
  • "real tribe potion to become Immune to fire" - susannagig-jig
  • "does god blink" - The Middlewesterner
  • "Sleeping ovaries" - Find Me a Bluebird
  • "People find me offensive poem" - Find Me a Bluebird
  • "girlfriend taming" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked librarians from north dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "signs a girlfriend is about to walk out" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked girls at prayer" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does 'behind the barn' mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "basho farting" - The Middlewesterner
  • "white conic body lotion" - Mole
  • "what specifically is the emerald mole?" - Mole
  • "how to impress a tomboy girl" - The Middlewesterner
  • "ripon cookies for bear bait" - The Middlewesterner
  • "people who think they are cats" - The Middlewesterner
  • "crows and fog omen" - The Middlewesterner
  • "when you are walking in the spirit what does heat mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how to be more socialable" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does making hay mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does it mean to call someone an iowa farm boy" - The Middlewesterner
  • "What does it mean when there are 2-3 crows in your yard and you don't have a corn field?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "tomboy addiction" - The Middlewesterner
  • gunmetal tulle - findmeabluebird
  • mucho bonito senorita translation - findmeabluebird
  • "swollen rash" diagnosis - findmeabluebird
  • how to keep a kid occupied when sick and in bed - findmeabluebird
  • moose bums - findmeabluebird
  • uninterlaced - findmeabluebird
  • "red squirrels castrating grey squirrels" - The Middlewesterner
  • "short poems to impress a girl" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what is an important food crop in middlewest?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "the reason the elements of the writing process are important to poetry" - The Middlewesterner
  • "wallpaper, poet" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how to be a vagabond" - The Middlewesterner
  • "my jock strap hearts how can i fix it" - The Middlewesterner
  • "How do Hutterite deliver babies " - The Middlewesterner
  • "shelling corn slang" - The Middlewesterner
  • "lady of guadalupe as vagina symbol" - The Middlewesterner
  • "will the leaves still be on the trees October 21, 2006 in Davenport, Iowa?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "driving time between seydisfjordur and skaftafell" - The Middlewesterner
  • "impress a girl from north dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how do tigers get born?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "jesus nude girls" - The Middlewesterner
  • "falling in love with a midwesterner" - The Middlewesterner
  • "shanties with cadillacs" - The Middlewesterner
  • "middle road sermon" - The Middlewesterner
  • "ephemeral as the summer fly" - Chatoyance
  • "how to paint ghost flames" - Chatoyance
  • "wine of cardui" - chatoyance
  • "kevlar bridal dresses" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "how to scold boyfriend" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "how to find your true self" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "it goes around the sun 4 times a year" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "how long does it take for a sprinter to regain his speed after a grade 1 hamstring tear" - The Middlewesterner
  • "understanding why crows like you" - The Middlewesterner
  • "customs and culture of the middlewest region of the United States" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked girl in a pile of money" - The Middlewesterner
  • "dakota tom sandwich" - The Middlewesterner
  • "things to do in Middlewest US" - The Middlewesterner
  • "nebraska christian music thunderstorm" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked girls performing prayer photos" - The Middlewesterner
  • "metaphysical stores in Davenport Iowa" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does 'worthless as tits on a boar' mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what is silo liquid and why does it make the cats sick?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "names of the dinosaurs that live in water or pictures naked women" - The Middlewesterner
  • "alien + pigs + north + dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "poems for football players girlfriend" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does 'making hay' mean?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how do cows eat cabbage in south dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does a skunk mean in a dream" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does the mole on the buddha mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "hutterite bra" - The Middlewesterner
  • "when to planet vandalia onions" - The Middlewesterner
  • "The Republicans have been painting an unattractive portrait of Democrats roasting young children on a spit in the Capitol rotunda and what not" - The Middlewesterner
  • "kewpie doll karl rove" - The Middlewesterner
  • "Real photos of Mary and Joseph with Baby Jesus and a story how Mary got her baby, Jesus removed out of her stomach" - The Middlewesterner
  • "fog barn stillness beauty poetry" - The Middlewesterner
  • "redneck outhouse poems" - The Middlewesterner
  • "haiku farting basho horse" - The Middlewesterner
  • "signs that i'm a heroin addict" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how do you know if your ankle is sprung" - The Middlewesterner
  • "translations from spanish to english giving opinions about the preservation of wild cats in South America" - The Middlewesterner
  • "stealth bomber information" - The Middlewesterner
  • "emily dickinson with cowboy hat" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what causes bossy girlfriends" - The Middlewesterner
  • "owl hitting a windshield and meaning" - The Middlewesterner
  • "long arm handling gloves cat" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does a rendering plant smell like?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "potion to become a superhero" - The Middlewesterner
  • "fried egg symbols of lesbianism" - The Middlewesterner
  • "when you are sixty years old should you move back to cold weather in michigan?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "learn poetry to impress a woman" - The Middlewesterner
  • "if you were asked to teach a character education program with which you found fault, what would you do?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "tractors porn" - The Middlewesterner
  • "does black or dark nail polish on a woman mean anything" - The Middlewesterner
  • "keeping warm in north dakota" - The Middlewesterner
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February 20, 2005




I'm not nearly as restrained
as this picture

Tom Montag

You, Suzanne? You have TWO blogs. That cranks things up to a whole 'nother level!


okay Tom
everything is here this time
and yes
the bumper sticker is REALLY BIG


This is very good, in a way that's quite unlike your usual very good writing, I think.

Keep it up! (Well, wait for the wife to fall asleep first...)

Tom Montag

Hi, Peter. Thanks. Yes, it is not very often I put my tongue quite so far into my cheek. Even so, there is probably more truth to it than we'd like to admit sometimes.


I went to bloglines for the first time in two days. Tom, you had eight new posts.

Hmm, lemme see, how does the math go...

Tom Montag

Huh, math? It has never been my strong suit. I'm more of a word-guy. Maybe you noticed....


My name is Mary Beth, and I'm a Blogger. . .

Tom Montag

"Mary Beth," you just made me laugh outloud, loud enough I think Mary heard me out in the kitchen.... I'm still smiling. We could put our heads together and co-write "A 12-Step Program for Bloggers." :)


Don't recognize a thing you say here.

Tom Montag

Heh-heh. Yeah, right. It's sad when the first thing you do when you get home from a trip is to check out Bloglines to see how much catching up you have to do. Oh, my God, you guys are animals. I'll never catch up!

Terry Keith

I and relate, really relate. I am writing a blog on addiction and feel already blogging has turned into an addiction.

Tom Montag

Addicted to blogging about addiction? That takes things to a whole new level, doesn't it. I took a look at your site, and see that you are handling the real cases of addiction, while mostly what I was talking about in my post was an obsession we choose. I guess even you have chosen it? And, having chosen it, we can "un-choose" it any time we want to. Right? Right?? We can, can't we?? :)


I LOVED this. Perfect.

Tom Montag

Jenn--thanks for the good word. Hey, I took a look at your blog. Has anybody told you you're a really funny writer? Oh, yeah... they have....


I found your site because I am tired of this compulsion to return to celebrity sites and write my thinkso's. It's not important and I am wasting so much time. It is an escape from the mundane. The comments about all those stars are basically worthless. They're out there making millions and we're inside writing about it. No need for sunscreen. Need light treatment to keep the blues away while I stay inside and type. My legs cramp up, sit on pillows, and add some behind my back. This is not healthy. I want to stop it.

Crabmeat Thompson

I thought of you today when I was teaching a class. I have two of them, basic writing at the business college here. I retired in June and we spent the month of July in Ireland, and I was broke, so I'm not retired anymore. I feel like a coddled millionaire athlete without the coddled million. Athlete, I guess, too.
Anyway we had something about Wisconsin in the reading and I told them how beautiful it was and how they should get in their cars ASAP and drive west until they were out of PA at least (although those mts are the best thing you'll see until you pass Chicago) and see some of the vast beauty of this land. And in Wisconsin, I told them, there's pretty farmland and Cheese. They were laughing because they have seen Packers fans on TV with cheese hats. Now I have to devise an elaborate Cheese Ceremony as a huge lie for their tiny brains to feast upon. I'm off to Wichita in about 30 hours, for the Winfield Fiddle Festival (can you tell I'm itchin' to smell some fresh air?). The full-time student stays here, cramming for her math exam and her independent study in Irish lit & hist. She's got my copy of the Tain bo Cualynge that I bought at the Yeats museum in Dublin (amazing -- they had facsimiles and in some cases original Mss that you could handle, and WB himself as well as Seamus Heaney, on tape. Best to Mary

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