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Tom Montag

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WORLD CHAMPION SEARCH STRINGS

  • HOW THIS STARTED:
    "shelf life of prune juice" - The Middlewesterner
  • "elko + bar + bathroom + girlfriend" - Creek Running North
  • "what does a mole on the palm of the hand mean?" - Mole
  • "biro, slowly watching memory" - frizzyLogic
  • "pictures of someone who looks forgotten" - Blaugustine
  • "emily dickinson's address" - alembic
  • "heterosexual woman becomes lesbian in midlife" - Velveteen Rabbi
  • "if lost return to" - Slow Reads
  • "village voice newspaper headline when andy warhol died in 1987 village voice headline is god dead is god dead" - Marja-Leena
  • "I have no head" - Under a bell
  • "what can we do about privilege?" - Feathers of Hope
  • "stigmata montreal women" - Cassandra Pages
  • "Aztec sacrificial victims" - 3rd House Party
  • "ugliest woman ever" – Fishbucket
  • "prime number farting" - The Middlewesterner
  • "sasquatch beauty barn" - Via Negativa
  • "I have what looks like small pieces of bird seed in human feces my feces." - Nuthatch
  • "signs your girlfriend is not happy" - The Middlewesterner
  • "real tribe potion to become Immune to fire" - susannagig-jig
  • "does god blink" - The Middlewesterner
  • "Sleeping ovaries" - Find Me a Bluebird
  • "People find me offensive poem" - Find Me a Bluebird
  • "girlfriend taming" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked librarians from north dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "signs a girlfriend is about to walk out" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked girls at prayer" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does 'behind the barn' mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "basho farting" - The Middlewesterner
  • "white conic body lotion" - Mole
  • "what specifically is the emerald mole?" - Mole
  • "how to impress a tomboy girl" - The Middlewesterner
  • "ripon cookies for bear bait" - The Middlewesterner
  • "people who think they are cats" - The Middlewesterner
  • "crows and fog omen" - The Middlewesterner
  • "when you are walking in the spirit what does heat mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how to be more socialable" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does making hay mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does it mean to call someone an iowa farm boy" - The Middlewesterner
  • "What does it mean when there are 2-3 crows in your yard and you don't have a corn field?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "tomboy addiction" - The Middlewesterner
  • gunmetal tulle - findmeabluebird
  • mucho bonito senorita translation - findmeabluebird
  • "swollen rash" diagnosis - findmeabluebird
  • how to keep a kid occupied when sick and in bed - findmeabluebird
  • moose bums - findmeabluebird
  • uninterlaced - findmeabluebird
  • "red squirrels castrating grey squirrels" - The Middlewesterner
  • "short poems to impress a girl" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what is an important food crop in middlewest?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "the reason the elements of the writing process are important to poetry" - The Middlewesterner
  • "wallpaper, poet" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how to be a vagabond" - The Middlewesterner
  • "my jock strap hearts how can i fix it" - The Middlewesterner
  • "How do Hutterite deliver babies " - The Middlewesterner
  • "shelling corn slang" - The Middlewesterner
  • "lady of guadalupe as vagina symbol" - The Middlewesterner
  • "will the leaves still be on the trees October 21, 2006 in Davenport, Iowa?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "driving time between seydisfjordur and skaftafell" - The Middlewesterner
  • "impress a girl from north dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how do tigers get born?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "jesus nude girls" - The Middlewesterner
  • "falling in love with a midwesterner" - The Middlewesterner
  • "shanties with cadillacs" - The Middlewesterner
  • "middle road sermon" - The Middlewesterner
  • "ephemeral as the summer fly" - Chatoyance
  • "how to paint ghost flames" - Chatoyance
  • "wine of cardui" - chatoyance
  • "kevlar bridal dresses" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "how to scold boyfriend" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "how to find your true self" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "it goes around the sun 4 times a year" - Hoarded Ordinaries
  • "how long does it take for a sprinter to regain his speed after a grade 1 hamstring tear" - The Middlewesterner
  • "understanding why crows like you" - The Middlewesterner
  • "customs and culture of the middlewest region of the United States" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked girl in a pile of money" - The Middlewesterner
  • "dakota tom sandwich" - The Middlewesterner
  • "things to do in Middlewest US" - The Middlewesterner
  • "nebraska christian music thunderstorm" - The Middlewesterner
  • "naked girls performing prayer photos" - The Middlewesterner
  • "metaphysical stores in Davenport Iowa" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does 'worthless as tits on a boar' mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what is silo liquid and why does it make the cats sick?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "names of the dinosaurs that live in water or pictures naked women" - The Middlewesterner
  • "alien + pigs + north + dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "poems for football players girlfriend" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does 'making hay' mean?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how do cows eat cabbage in south dakota" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does a skunk mean in a dream" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does the mole on the buddha mean" - The Middlewesterner
  • "hutterite bra" - The Middlewesterner
  • "when to planet vandalia onions" - The Middlewesterner
  • "The Republicans have been painting an unattractive portrait of Democrats roasting young children on a spit in the Capitol rotunda and what not" - The Middlewesterner
  • "kewpie doll karl rove" - The Middlewesterner
  • "Real photos of Mary and Joseph with Baby Jesus and a story how Mary got her baby, Jesus removed out of her stomach" - The Middlewesterner
  • "fog barn stillness beauty poetry" - The Middlewesterner
  • "redneck outhouse poems" - The Middlewesterner
  • "haiku farting basho horse" - The Middlewesterner
  • "signs that i'm a heroin addict" - The Middlewesterner
  • "how do you know if your ankle is sprung" - The Middlewesterner
  • "translations from spanish to english giving opinions about the preservation of wild cats in South America" - The Middlewesterner
  • "stealth bomber information" - The Middlewesterner
  • "emily dickinson with cowboy hat" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what causes bossy girlfriends" - The Middlewesterner
  • "owl hitting a windshield and meaning" - The Middlewesterner
  • "long arm handling gloves cat" - The Middlewesterner
  • "what does a rendering plant smell like?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "potion to become a superhero" - The Middlewesterner
  • "fried egg symbols of lesbianism" - The Middlewesterner
  • "when you are sixty years old should you move back to cold weather in michigan?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "learn poetry to impress a woman" - The Middlewesterner
  • "if you were asked to teach a character education program with which you found fault, what would you do?" - The Middlewesterner
  • "tractors porn" - The Middlewesterner
  • "does black or dark nail polish on a woman mean anything" - The Middlewesterner
  • "keeping warm in north dakota" - The Middlewesterner
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« LINES FOR NOVEMBER 22 | Main | FROM MORNING DRIVE JOURNAL NOVEMBER 23, 1999 »

November 22, 2005

THE WORSE IT GETS
THE WORSE IT'S GOING TO GET

Don't ever put the words "naked" and "nude"

on your blog. You'll become a magnet for more nakeds and nudes, until eventually you have gathered all possible permutations of desire. Zowee.

What are they telling us? "We like 'em in thunderstorms, we like 'em playing banjo, we like 'em sad. We like to catch 'em with their telescopes and their coconuts and their snow shovels. Smashing windows and preaching. With carp. At the Taj Mahal and on the prairie. We like 'em to be pixie girls."

Don't ever put the word "banjo"on your blog, either. You'll get shoeless banjos and banjo addictions and Lord knows what, and you likely won't get into heaven either.

Here's another long list of the Champions going into retirement. Enjoy them.

"blue mole on my behind religious meaning" - Mole
"naked girls in a thunderstorm" - The Middlewesterner
"nude women banjo players" - The Middlewesterner
"duties for cheerleader team mom" - The Middlewesterner
"sad naked girls" - The Middlewesterner
"seven cow sexy girls" - The Middlewesterner
"how to catch naked women" - The Middlewesterner
"shoeless amish " - The Middlewesterner
"naked weasels" - The Middlewesterner
"unkind sexy girls" - The Middlewesterner
"farting mole" - The Middlewesterner
"naked girl telescope" - The Middlewesterner
"coffee is cold, the air is muggy and the distance is full of dirt and slush from this evening's rain." - The Middlewesterner
"naked girls and their coconuts" - The Middlewesterner
"naked women with snow shovels" - The Middlewesterner
"what is faith-based reality?" - The Middlewesterner
"yoruba enemy spells frozen water" - Via Negativa
"beer keg buggy fuel tanks" - The Middlewesterner
"naked girls smashing windows" - The Middlewesterner
"naked woman and carp" - The Middlewesterner
"information on noise bylaws regarding when you can drive tractors" - The Middlewesterner
"nude women preachers" - The Middlewesterner
"nude girls in taj mahal " - The Middlewesterner
"wet blue panties and a flat tire" - The Middlewesterner
"naked love poems" - The Middlewesterner
"shoeless banjo" - The Middlewesterner
"nude women of the prairie" - The Middlewesterner
"porn horn antelope" - The Middlewesterner
"poetry team mom" - The Middlewesterner
"naked haymow" - The Middlewesterner
"pixie girls naked" - The Middlewesterner
"what is a lingering image?" - The Middlewesterner
"cheerleader, marathon kalahari" - The Middlewesterner
"nude deer hunting" - The Middlewesterner
"naked elk" - The Middlewesterner
"company high voltage girls maybe nebraska" - The Middlewesterner
"banjo addicted" - The Middlewesterner
"kissing with carp" - The Middlewesterner

November 22, 2005 in World Champion Search Strings |

Comments

Marja-Leena

Heh, unbelievable!

Posted by: Marja-Leena | November 22, 2005 at 09:23 AM

Tom Montag

Hi, M-L--Yep, it makes you wonder who is out there....

Posted by: Tom Montag | November 22, 2005 at 09:29 AM

The comments to this entry are closed.