IVAN BURGESS'S ECHO ECHO

"Maybe it's just me,"

Ivan said, "but I don't seem to see as many people carry bottles of water as I used to. Maybe they decided to take a drink of water before they left home."

"You know," Ivan said, "I don't get out much, so I guess I wasn't aware of this. I heard some farmers talking about the rainfall, which I thought had been adequate. They were saying the rain has been coming as far south as the state line and as far north as the county line, leaving Smith Center in kind of a dry hole. I wasn't aware of that."

"Claude Gripp called my attention to something last Wednesday morning," Ivan said. "Claude observed that all of the older men that comprise the As the Bladder Fills Club are clean-shaven, while Baby Boomers who have accumulated enough to have motorhomes have facial hair – beards, mustaches, goatees, and five o'clock shadow."

"Heard one of the new clerks at Gene's say he wasn't sure just what a seed potato was," Ivan said. "I wasn't sure either, so I asked resident expert Gene Conaway what the difference between a seed potato and a regular potato was. He said nothing. He said you can save potatoes over and have your own seed potatoes. However, he recommended you get seed potatoes. All I know about potatoes is that they are good fried, baked, or boiled. And if you rub a slice of raw potato on a wart and throw the slice away, when it rots the wart will disappear. You don't think so, huh? Well, I said it, and I'm standing by it until proved wrong."

"On Father's Day," Ivan said, "I hope the church pianist plays 'When the Saints Go Marching In' for the prelude. I didn't hear 'I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad' at any of the churches I attended on Mother's Day. There is a parody of that, entitled 'I want a beer just like the beer that pickled dear old dad.'"

"Sammy Burgess, caretaker at Cedars of Lebanon, don't like snakes any better than I do," Ivan said. "One of the ladies who lives there told Sam that she had a small bull snake in her apartment and that she had shoved it out the door with her foot. She told Sam, 'I almost called you.' Sam said, 'It wouldn't have done you any good to call me.' I think he was indicating that they would have to get ahold of someone who wasn't afraid of snakes. When someone asks me what kind it was, I just tell em I didn't hang around long enough to find out."

"You get virgin wool," Ivan said, "from ugly ewes."